As they cut the cake for their 75th anniversary, the old man nuzzled the old lady's ear and whispered, "Darling, there's something I've wanted to ask you all these years. Our eleventh child never did look like his brothers and sisters. Did he have a different father?"

The old lady lowered her eyes and murmured, "Yes dear, he did."

The old man just stood there for a while without saying a word. Finally, he asked, "Who was it?"

The old lady said softly, "You, dear."

A little girl goes to see Santa Claus. "And what would you like for Christmas little girl?" he asks. "I'd like a Barbie and an Action Man," she answers.

"But doesn't Barbie come with her boyfriend Ken?" asks Santa.

"Oh, No," replies the little girl, "She only comes with Action Man - she fakes it with Ken!"

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.

We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I managed to move myself to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as tension rose, we began the ultimate in sex. Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself from ending it all too soon.

As sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable Mind-blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out until the moment we had been both waiting for was upon us. As it did we rolled together in the now damp grass.

As the last deep orange glow of the long set sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and loving and whispered how good she had been. She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered: "Baaaa", .... then re-joined the flock.

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have til we hit the ground?

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: The rest of your life!