Are bats a nuisance in your garden?
Get rid of them by attaching mousetraps to helium balloons and releasing them at night.

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Bearded men can obtain the appearance of an upper class Arctic explorer by simply applying Tippex to their beards, painting their noses blue, and cutting off a couple of toes. It never fails to impress the girls.

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Before going on holiday take a sledge hammer and smash up the entire contents of your house. Then any burglars who break in will get a taste of their own medicine.

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Safely dispose of old strip light tubes by carefully inserting them in a dead snake.

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Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

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Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers on full-power whenever you're parked illegally.

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To save time when returning Video's to the rental store... Have the kids rewind them with a large srewdriver while you are driving back to the Video store.... keeps the kids amused as well.